life is beautiful.

A lot of times, overseas-minded people tend to value the overseas experience more than the at-home-where-i-was-born-and-raised experience. Myself included. Being in Russia for a year as a ten-year-old was one of the most meaningful times in my life. Being in Egypt for three weeks last year made more sense to me than most of the moments I've had here at 'home' in Southern California over the past year and a half, put together. I can't fully explain why. . . Although I could try, but I'll save that for another weblog entry. This one is about the other side of the coin.

One thing that this time of waiting and preparing at home-base has done for me is that it has forced me to find value in the ordinary. I would love to say that I don't make value judgments about the lives of Westerners but that would be a complete lie and everyone would know it. I think life overseas is better. Better in terms of finding true peace and joy. Better in terms of finding The Divine. Better in terms of participating in world history. Better in terms of being more connected to the earth and the way things were 'meant' to be. All of it. But here I am, in a cozy house in north San Diego county, in the best state in the world. It's cozy. And I can't help but judge myself for that. I am more alive when I am overseas. It's just how it is.

Aerosmith was right though, (well aerosmith who got it from ralph waldo emerson, but no big deal), "Life's a journey, not a destination." I would even go so far as to say that each split second of the journey IS the destination. So I truly have come to appreciate every moment here. I don't know how, and maybe I wasn't content during each day that I've been stuck in this "space" . . . BUT I do know that I can look back on these days with new eyes, and reinterpret them through grateful eyes. Ones that know that if I had been in Egypt when Praise passed away, I would have gone insane. That if I had been in Egypt when my parents went to the Riverside Humane Society, they wouldn't have picked out Dudley Squirrel and I wouldn't have gotten to take him to dog beach and enjoy the simple gift of watching a dog splash in waves, receive affection shamelessly, and forgive without reserve (nevermind that they don't really do object permanence well, it's still a good lesson!)

Despite not having a full-time job, spraining my ankle multiple times, breaking my toe, losing a beloved friend, losing a relationship with a guy i really liked and thought I'd keep around, applying for around 250 jobs, losing my grandpa to cancer, in the past 18 months, I have:


*Gone to the Sparks-Graeser wedding in Indiana
*Gone to the Goble-Carey wedding in Livermore
*Spent time laughing with my whole mom's side of the family as we gathered to cope with losing my grandpa
*Visited my Aunt Lorri Ann and Uncle Dave, along with my cousins Alex and Aaron
*Visited my Aunt Kerry right as she was starting her battle with cancer
*Lived with Rach and Annie, where I got to share tea with them when they were home and sit curled up on the couch talking about life
*Lived with Cha and Erika, as their house elf, where they graciously let me prop up my casted ankle for a couple months, and we also sat around talking about life and boys and jobs and music, and just generally being silly girls together
*Went to Kierra and Michael's wedding in San Diego
*Worked with a grassroots fundraising organization, which gave me the courage to ask people to support me when it came time, gave me the model for asking for support, and the light-heartedness to brush off rejections and keep on going
*Bonded with sweet Sarah as I went through a parallel life to the one she had just lived for several years
*Moved to Telluride Colorado in attempt to get a seasonal job while living with Andy and Dodi. While this didn't work out according to plan, I got several weeks of the INCREDIBLE mountaintop scenery and of friendship with them
*Lived in the green house with Anna Tyler Grete Peter Jerrold and Drew, where love and acceptance abound. Here I also continued learning grace and how to accept tangible love from friends.
*Worked for 6 weeks at a transitional home for homeless families
*Cooked super healthy meals for Kimberly and enjoyed them with her almost daily for several weeks, sharing healthy cooking with another person and adding more recipes to my collection
*Got asked to go to Egypt
*Watched the tangible financial support come in so that I really could go
*Spent three weeks falling in love with Egypt. Joined my aunt and her dance tour in Upper Egypt to learn more about the culture down there
*Got to know an organization that helps change people's lives in Egypt. Even as I saw the poorest children whose beds were underneath the sink at the zoo, I was with an organization who teaches job skills to that child's parents so that they don't have to. Got asked to come be a part of that organization for a while
*Spent the summer in south central Los Angeles, taking hundreds of high school youth into the city to teach them to look for The Divine in the chaos, with a staff who are still my family
*Learned that Caiti is my spirit sister
*Decided to move to Egypt, and started raising funds with faith
*Spent a week in Seattle visiting Amanda my love
*Spent a few days near Miami with Becky, wedding dress shopping and playing with Ada the dog and realizing how much I love Miami weather even though it's obnoxious
*Spent a few days in San Francisco at the hardly strictly maybe possibly kinda not even bluegrass festival, spent time with Jared and Nadya, and road tripped with Cha and E
*Rode a tractor and attempted a corn maze for the first time in my life
*Went to a mumford and sons concert for a birthday present, courtesy of Cha
*Went sailing for my birthday with Rach and Nate, Anna, and my family
*Received a beautiful camera which is giving me the creative outlet I've been aching for for YEARS
*Gotten to know my brother's girlfriend, Faith (who is a keeper, I think. You never really want to put those things down in writing, but I'm just sayin' . . . )
*Gotten to live with my parents for a few months while I fundraise, which has been healing and wonderful
*Gotten to live in Escondido, which is where we lived with my great aunt Nancy when we returned from Russia, so it is already familiar transitioning ground
*Done around 60 days total of Bikram Yoga (which is a WHOLE NUTHER weblog entry in itself, and you will get to hear about it at some point.) It is my sanity.
*Spend beautiful moments with Christina Miller
*Met Dave and Heather's baby
*Saw my Steve Miller in Tacoma
*Was welcomed into the family at my dad's new church, mostly by Kevin & Allison & Drew
*And all through this, had consistent friendships with people whose friendship to me, is as crucial as breathing. You probably know who you are.
*Got to spend time with Sarah & Joey, along with Michelle and Matt and Naph, whom I love dearly but have not really seen in ages
*Get to entertain David & Melodie for the weekend while they are here for a wedding in San Diego

And that's not it, that's just off the top of my head. Every single one of those moments WAS the destination. I'm loving this life I get to live.

Sure, I'm not overseas and applying for jobs is hard work, and now that THAT is over, fundraising is hard work, along with waiting. But WHAT have I been so discontent about? It's so nice to be able to sit back and realize that I have learned from what life has thrown at me.

Life is beautiful, right here and right now.